Wednesday, November 14, 2012

BDSM Therapist & Sexpert Talks about Work & Romance


My guest today, Dr. Charley Ferrer, is a Clinical Sexologist, Educator and TV/Radio Host and Producer known as “the Latina Dr. Ruth”. Her first book won the Literary Hall of Fame Award for Best Self-help Book 2002 and since then she’s written eight more books on sexuality and relationships.

First I’d love to say thank you for having me on your blog. I enjoyed meeting you during my 3-day BDSM for Writers Workshop in New York City in August. I’m so pleased the workshop and the experience at Paddles was a memorable one. I hope other writers join us for next year’s workshop.  I’m also conducting a few workshops for readers and anyone interested in learning more about Dominance and submission.

As you know, I’m very open about myself and my participation in the D/s community. I love to help educate others and help men and women feel comfortable with whatever sensual and/or sexual connections they make.

I’m often asked how I found the BDSM lifestyle and whether or not I actually “practice what I preach” so to speak. The answer is, yes I do.  If you’ve read my books, BDSM for Writers or BDSM The Naked Truth, you will know that I “outted” myself in an attempt to help others accept themselves and bring factual education to the medical and clinical community as well as law enforcement agencies concerning the truths about Dominance and submission.  It was never my intent to out myself since there’s still so much prejudice and misconceptions in the world regarding D/s. And let’s face it, I have to make a living as well so coming out was a huge consideration. Yet, I hoped that by coming out I would encourage others to do the same and help further normalize the community. I’m still not sure if I should have, but then, as the adage goes, the cat’s out of the bag now. 

How has coming out affected your private practice, your professional life, and your relationships?

Well as you can imagine, coming out as a D/s practitioner has been a toss-up between good and bad effects. I’ve lost several friends and business associates as well as work contracts when individuals found out. Not everyone is ready for a BDSM therapist or college professor in their midst. I even had a colleague tell me I was doing harm to my patients because I approved of their D/s lifestyle. My only response to her was, “why should I judge my patients and their desires? That’s not my job. As a therapist, I’m there to help them find new avenues to improve their life, and if that means help them to accept their BDSM desires then I’d be glad to. Sometimes I’m the only one they can turn to who will accept them for who they are not what “I” want them to be.

As for my private practice, that’s actually increased, and over 70% of my clients/patients are seen via phone & Internet consultations as many are outside the NYC area.

Relationship-wise, well that’s always a hard one. Many want to know what I do with my partner and specific activities I perform. Tsk tsk…such voyeurs. *chuckles* I look at it this way, I don’t ask about your bedroom activities, you shouldn’t ask about mine. Unfortunately, dating is a bit hard at times since my partner is outted by association. 

What makes your BDSM books different from any others?
Well to start with, my books are non-fiction. Unlike most books on BDSM and the D/s lifestyle, mine aren’t focused on the “how-to” but on the emotional and psychological connections individuals make when engaged in these activities as well as the respect and love many share when embracing the BDSM lifestyle. That’s not to say that there isn’t information on how to “train a slave”, merely that that’s only one aspect of my book.

What’s it like to be a practicing Domme in a vanilla world?
This question makes it sound like I’m a Dominatrix, which I’m not. A Dominatrix is someone who engages in BDSM and power exchange activities for money. I do it because I’m a Dominant woman and that is the role I take in my intimate relationships. This doesn’t mean the men I’m with are weak or aren’t dominant in their own right, it just means that I’m the boss. Most of the men I date are military or in demanding jobs. The difference is when they walk through the door, they surrender to me. Imagine how beautiful it is to have all that manly essence at your fingertips.

Do you believe power exchange relationships are healthy?
Absolutely! In fact, we experience power exchange relationships in various degrees from the day we’re born and continue them in varying degrees till the day we die. Here are a few examples:  parent – child; boss – employee; leader – follower.  Who said power exchange relationships had to be sexual?  In fact, most of them aren’t.  It is merely one person being in-service to another, helping make their life better. Isn’t that a wonderful thing?

How do you plan to continue your educative efforts of BDSM?
Starting January 2013, I will be conducting workshops on BDSM in various states not only for writers but for the general community as well.  Some of the workshops will include trips to local BDSM clubs, providing writers and readers with the opportunity to go on a “field trip” as it were with me—someone knowledgeable and safe. It will be a night to write about.  Please review my website www.bdsmforwriters.com or www.bdsmthenakedtruth.com for more information. Or email me directly at doctorcharley@bdsmthenakedtruth.com. 

As always, it was wonderful sharing with you and I look forward to seeing you on one of my future “field trips”. 

Live with passion,

Doctor Charley…

Note from Cris Anson: The cover for BDSM The Naked Truth posted here is brand-new. So if you click on the Amazon buy link and see a different cover, it's just that Amazon hasn't gotten around to changing it yet.


8 comments:

  1. Beautiful interview Doctor Charley. Thank you for being a forerunner for the BDSM community. You risked much by stepping forward. I commend you for your bravery.

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    1. Thank you Virginia.

      I still bite my nails at times especially when going on interviews. For instances, after two weeks of interviews for a position as the Director of Social Services at a local hospital, I met with the Chief Medical Director--my final interview. "I Googled you!" he stated as I walked through his door--I hadn't even sat down yet. I smiled and said, "I'm not getting the job, am I." His response was, "This is a Christian hospital..."

      There's still alot of prejudice out there.

      Live with passion,

      Doctor Charley...

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  2. A great visit from Dr. Ferrer, and I can attest to the greatness of BDSM for Writers as I purchased it and read it overnight after reading another blog report of the BDSM Writers Workshop in August (color me crushed to have missed out, but I'll be lining up for each and every workshop to come). It is a terrific resource for getting into the heads of your characters; an aspect I find vital whether I'm reading BDSM romance or writing it. Without the psyche, the kink is only half the excitement. Thanks for sharing Dr. Charley with us and thank YOU Dr!

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    1. Thank you Lise Kim Horton.

      Now will you say that on Amazon and B&N?

      Chuckles...

      So pleased you enjoyed the book. Please feel free to recommend it to friends; and your readers can read BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH. Now #5 on Kindle/Amazon and on sale for the holidays! A great book for friends.

      Live with passion,

      Doctor Charley...


      PS: I've posted the dates for the August 2013 workshop in NYC. Hope you'll join us.

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  3. Having taken Dr. Charley's BDSM for Writers Workshop I can attest to the fact that she is able to take a subject that has been misrepresented and sensationalized and shed light on it in a way that makes it understandable. Because she is a psychotherapist she is able to delve into the motivations, the intricacies and challenges of being in the lifestyle. She has helped me enhance my characters with a level of authenticity I would not have had before working with her. I can guarantee that if you take her workshop you will never forget the things you have learned and have a wonderful, challenging and fun time in the bargain. If you can't take the workshop, the books are well worth the money. I have both and find they are wonderful guides to have in my library to refer to on a regular basis.
    I thank Dr. Charley for her courage in exposing herself to the world so that she can bring her knowledge and incredible understanding to people who would otherwise not have access to anyone who could help them. Every group that has been misunderstood and discriminated against has always needed people with courage to stand up and challenge the prejudices that prevail—often to their own detriment. Dr. Charley is a groundbreaker and anyone who wants to know about BDSM should put down 50 Shades and take her workshop and buy her books. They will be smarter and better for it.

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  4. Great interview. I'd definitely be interested in the workshop and field trip. Hope you come to a town near me! :)

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  5. Hi Amber,

    We're actually looking at conducting a few workshops for writers around the country. One is scheduled for Iowa in May. If you (someone you know) would like to help host a workshop in your area, please contact me at doctorcharley@doctorcharley(dot)com for more details.

    Live with passion,

    Doctor Charley...

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  6. Thank you, again, Cris for interviewing me. I did so enjoy meeting you and continuing our friendship. Look forward to seeing you again soon. You'll have to come on my website and talk about what it's like to be a romance writer and more. smiles.

    Live with passion,

    Doctor Charley...

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