Wednesday, August 7, 2013


Okay, so I’ve been dabbling in, er, researching the Lifestyle less than a year and there’s still tons to learn about BDSM. I’ve been to a few private parties, I’ve talked one-on-one with Dom/mes and subs and switches and slaves, I’ve been wide-eyed in public dungeons, I’ve read extensively, especially journals on Fetlife where people talk honestly about their fetishes and lifestyles and highs and lows. I’m still shy about disrobing in front of strangers to get flogged or zapped or spanked. Still shy about asking someone to give me a lesson or participating in a scene.

Last weekend I attended a “Munch” (a “vanilla” social event where folks meet ‘n greet in a public venue such as a restaurant’s private room). I sat down with some new-since-last-month friends, and then some other new folks sat down at our table, and soon we women were yakking, mostly about sex and exes, as though we’d known each other for years. Sometimes lightning does strike.
Because I’ll tell you, the first Munch I attended, the host and hostess greeted me, sat and chatted with me for maybe twenty minutes to make me feel at home but then had to circulate among the group. So there I was, alone and too timid to get up and mingle. I sat. And sat. And finally I got up and walked out, mortified that no one wanted to talk to an old lady and what was I thinking, going to a BDSM group when I didn’t know anyone there or anything about the Lifestyle and, well, you can probably imagine my mental self-flagellation.
Fast forward to this past weekend, when four women, ages 40s to 60s, hit it off so smoothly that we decided, ROAD TRIP!
See, we all knew that a Dungeon in Philadelphia was open that evening, and the Dom who had gravitated to our table was going, and he invited us to follow him so we wouldn’t get lost. Now for me, I’m old enough to worry about my night vision, especially driving through center-city Philadelphia at 10 p.m. But one of the women said, no problem, if I have company I don’t mind driving. So three of us, D. behind the wheel, followed our own Pied Piper down a harrowing Interstate 95 and through the twists and turns of the City of Brotherly Love.
And oh boy, good thing D. wasn’t driving a bigger car, because that parking lot was another lesson in “close your eyes and don’t look”, but she managed to squeeze into a spot and we all trooped upstairs to the Dungeon.
As we waited in line to check in, pay our entry fee and sign away our lives in the form of liability waivers, the other two women were agog. “OMG, they’re naked!” “Eek, doesn’t that hurt?” “Holy sh*t, what’s he doing to her?”
And I’m like, ho hum, they’re not really naked, the place has a liquor license so nipples have to be covered, that’s why some of them have a pair of black X’s duct-taped to their chest. And no, that doesn’t hurt as much as it sounds, because the falls are wide, it’s the skinny tails that sting. And see, that guy’s using a violet wand, look at the changing color in the glass and see the smile on her face as he’s stroking her? And one of the best things about BDSM is that women of every size and shape are comfortable in their (almost) birthday suits and are accepted by males and females alike for their sensuality.
And so on.
So we watched and yes, we got turned on by watching others get turned on. Here were several Doms using all manner of impact instruments on their partners who knelt on spanking benches. There was a master artist, working two floggers Florentine style and dancing like Baryshnikov around his subject chained to the St. Andrew’s Cross. He was so good I wanted to trade places with her—but I digress.
My point to all this is, I felt like a finishing-school doyenne, or maybe a museum docent, teaching innocent newbies what little I know about BDSM. And after our Pied-Piper Dom finished the scene with his play partner (yes, she did orgasm, as did all the others we watched), we got to chat with her, and my wide-eyed friends realized she was as normal as they were. Although some of my friends may question my definition of “normal”.

But I guess the icing on the newbies’ cake was when the host of that first Munch, who subsequently became my friend, asked if I wanted to be flogged so they could watch someone they knew. Well, how could I refuse to add to their education?
Saying yes was the easy part. The hard part, still, was taking off most of my clothes in public. But then I closed my eyes and enjoyed the experience until I was floating higher and higher and yes, I can’t be two-faced and not admit that I too had an orgasm from the experience.
My friends’ reaction? “Cris, you’re my new hero! I wanna be like you!”
So no, I’m no longer a newbie. And I like it that way.
But I still want to learn more.

 If you've been to a dungeon, please feel free to share your experience here!
~~ Cris Anson


  1. can be my hero. I'm still a newbie but Desiree is taking a bunch of us in San Antonio to start the education. :)

  2. Awesome story! I've never been to a proper dungeon, but my husband and I went to a few play parties back when I desperately needed to realize that I could be a strong woman and still be a sub ;-) Seeing the subs (both male and female) really helped. We (hubby and I) don't get out much to that kind of thing any more, there just aren't enough hours in the day. But I'm glad I got to see some really wonderful, healthy D/s relationships at work.

  3. Cris, I think you're amazing! I loved this bog.

  4. Glad you are having so much fun, girl! Hugs!

  5. Cris, you're amazing! Thanks for sharing. :)

  6. Long time no see Cris...We have some major catching up to do!

  7. Great blog, Cris!!!! I can't believe you participated...I don't know if I could....but you are one brave woman for doing so.

    I would love to go to a Dungeon....but don't know of any around where I live - and them being respectable places at that.

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  9. Awesome post Cris! Glad you had fun. I know I had fun reading about it. Thanks for sharing!

  10. Thank you, everyone, for commenting. Glad to share my research with interested folks. I'm at that age that if I don't do it now, I'll be too old and decrepit to try it at some future date, so I'm trying (almost) everything that pops into my head. But I draw the line at things like bungee jumping or parachuting. I might zip-line, though, if I ever find a place within driving distance to do so.

  11. Fantastic post, Cris. You are a brave woman and I'm so happy this experience worked out for you.

  12. Cris, as always your post is full of information, humor and just down right inspiring. Amazing where this new journey of BDSM research has taken you! And I'm so happy you're so open and willing to share your journey with the rest of us.

  13. Aw, Nina, thank you for the kind words. I really think more people should learn about BDSM, because it's totally different from my vague thoughts about it before I started researching it. People in the Lifestyle are, I think, more emotionally open and honest and giving than people realize.

    And thanks to Marie and Katy for your comments as well.

  14. Thanks for sharing your experience Cris. I hope that you inspire a few people to discover themselves.

    1. Thanks for writing, Sindra. Inspiring people to discover themselves is definitely one of my goals in sharing my experiences in the BDSM world.

  15. You've been my hero for years, but this was an awesome post!

  16. Wow! Just wow! Thanks for sharing the story with us. It's nice to know that normal people enjoy the Lifestyle!

  17. Cris,

    I remember the newbie you were just a year ago when you attended my BDSM FOR WRITERS 3-Day Intensive Workshop and started exploring first hand. I’m so pleased to see how far you’ve come and how much confidence you’ve gained, in yourself, your writing, and your interactions with others. I look forward to seeing you again at this year’s 3-Day Intensive Workshop and next year’s BDSM WRITERS CON 2014 where you’ll actually be speaking about your experiences and turning them into books. (I just love your new book, NO PATIENCE.)

    As for all your fans and friends who wish they could attend a BDSM Club (and know it’s safe), why not invite them to BDSM WRITERS CON 2014 and show them around on our BDSM Club night. Who knows what stories they’ll have to share?

    As you know, BDSM WRITERS CON 2014 isn’t just for writers; everyone learns tons of information about BDSM and they get to have fun at all the amazing activities we have planned. Did I mention Dungeon Delights is coming with all their marvelous metal cuffs and collars?

    Look forward to seeing you in just 12 more days.

    Live with passion,

    Doctor Charley....

    1. Thanks for commenting, Doctor Charley. I too look forward to both this year's conference and the one in 2014. I hope all my readers at least check out your website to learn more!