Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Sir Guy and Karida: Exploring A Dominant/Submissive Relationship

I’m honored to have on my blog today a man who has lived the Dominant lifestyle for many years. Sir Guy and his girl karida held the title International Power Exchange 2013 Couple. As a result of being a First Responder during the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center, Sir Guy  contracted a neuro-endocrine cancer, for which he has had open heart surgery and removal of parts of his liver. Here he talks about his relationship with karida and what it’s like when the Dominant cannot assume his role.

My readers are very interested in learning more about the Dominant/submissive dynamic. As the 2013 International Power Exchange Couple, obviously you’re doing something right. Can you tell us a little about your D/s relationship?

Our relationship started as an on-line friendship. We had been corresponding on-line periodically and she commented on some of my frequent posts. As my illness became more profound and debilitating I found myself purging myself of people around me who had ulterior motives or who were not understanding of my personal limitations. I had even thought that I could not have a D/s relationship because I was too ill and dependent to be assertive enough to lead.

My conversations with karida led me to believe that I might have been erroneous in that assumption. They led me to believe that it was possible for me even while I was going through medical issues to be the Dominant I thought I should be. We started a long distance relationship with a lot of correspondence via phone, text and e-mail until we finally were able to occupy the same space.

Before karida I had not thought of myself as a "Daddy", because I believed there was nothing in my mind that distinguished a Dominant from a "Daddy" in hierarchical relationships. I learned through karida that the difference is primarily how one deals with the girl inside of the woman. This is not to say that there is always smooth sailing and that things are perfect. All relationships have their share of issues but trying to use various tactics of communication and resolution can help with longevity.

What makes your girl karida so special to you?

I am opinionated, demanding, controversial and passionate. I may neglect myself for a cause or sacrifice myself for a principle. I can act as a rescuer, a protector, a mentor, a big brother when I see someone in need. I can be hard headed, obstinate and determined. I can also be tender, loving, caring, giving. It takes a special person to see all those things in me. It takes a patient woman to wade through all that I appear to be to find the me that exists deep within. It takes a unique woman to stimulate my mind, my heart and my libido. It takes an intelligent woman to meet me on a certain plane, to comprehend what motivates me. It takes a superlative woman to love a man who makes it difficult to love him, to trust your heart with him, to give your soul to him, give your obedience to him, to submit your will to him. I don't make it easy.... and though I always believe I am worth it, it takes someone real special to believe it too. That makes her my girl.

I knew that I was not in optimum condition when we began this relationship and there was no guarantee that I would get any better. It is and will be a continuing struggle, yet, knowing this, she was willing to relocate and take the chance of dealing not just with my ailments but with all the other stuff that accompanies me in addition to that.

I know you’ve suffered many physical problems brought about by your being a first responder at the World Trade Center during 9/11. How has your relationship with karida changed by your not being able to be the dominant person during your recovery?

Well, most people have a honeymoon period at the beginning of their relationships that they can always look back on fondly when things get rough. We didn't have that. We went right into the fire, and that can be very stressful to any relationship. Add to that the stress of getting to know each other since we started our relationship long distance, the stress of economics, her moving over 1000 miles to live with me, trying to fulfill our title obligations of teaching in various areas, dealing with intra-organizational politics and the fact that my stamina and patience were constantly challenged, and it could be a struggle. So far we haven't killed each other.

Can you tell us how your International Power Exchange title came about? What does that honor entail?

The contest was the brainstorm of Sir Top and slave bonnie of Beyond Leather in Florida. So often, titles focus on individuals or solely upon the Master/slave dynamic and that's all good. But there are other power exchange dynamics, some unconventional, that exist and thrive in our communities and they felt those needed to be explored and recognized as well. We believed in the message of that contest and the idea that it was a teaching title, not a beauty contest or popularity contest, and that other types of power exchange dynamics (such as triads, Daddy/girl, Daddy/boy, Mommy/boy or girl, Owner/puppy and others) could be represented. We also liked that a part of the contest was helping others understand their dynamic. It involved us teaching in various venues about our dynamic and representing our lifestyle both to those within the community and to those outside. We've been privileged to have been interviewed individually or together by The New York Times, Huffington Post, Esquire magazine and periodicals and tabloids from as far away as Switzerland.

How does the D/s lifestyle mesh with your everyday life with your family and friends?

Personally I have been out and public for a few years. Karida has been active in the community for over a decade but not as high profile as I, so this raised her profile and exposure a bit. My family, including my children, have some knowledge of what I do, my oldest son having more details because it seems he's inherited my genes for this. Most of our friends and acquaintances are in the D/s lifestyle so for us, it's really not a problem. We don't really have to hide or explain much. Besides, it's not like we walk down the street with leashes or chastity devices exposed. We are basically just an average pair who happen to live a particular lifestyle.


Thank you so much for sharing your insights with us, Sir Guy. I wish you a full recovery and I thank you for your service to our country over your years as a police officer, EMT and First Responder.

Note: Below is a more complete bio of Sir Guy as well as links to several articles and videos in which he is quoted.

Sir Guy is an Emeritus Board member of The Eulenspiegel Society (TES) and its Media Representative. He is the facilitator and a member of MAsT Metro NY, a member of Feel Me Breathe (FMB) and Black BEAT and an Associate Member of ONYX Northeast. He has started a group in the NYC metro area geared toward the socio-educational needs of POC (People of Color) called The Dark Lair which meets monthly at Purple Passion in Chelsea NYC. A BDSM educator who has presented at a wide variety of venues including colleges, he has appeared on interviews on WWWRL 1600 AM Pride Equality Radio, Huffington Press Live, the New York Times, Relapse magazine, Le Monde newspaper in Switzerland, The Diana Montford Show, Metro New York newspaper, Esquire magazine and other venues.


TES, a not-for-profit BDSM / Leather / Fetish group dedicated to the social interaction, educational exchange, and ever-changing diversity of our community.

YouTube video (2/27/13) re difficulty of First Responders getting assistance for their 9/11-related illnesses, featuring Sir Guy.

In-depth New York Times article (2/27/13) on BDSM which quotes Sir Guy among others.

HuffPost video (12/4/13) panel discussion of BDSM with Sir Guy and others in the lifestyle.

~~ Cris Anson


  1. What an amazing story! Thank you for your service to our country, Sir Guy. May you and your lady-girl live a long and happy life together - minus the killing each other part... ;)

  2. I loved hearing more about a person in the lifestyle. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be physically limited and I'm so glad Sir Guy, that you have found someone who completes you. All the best!

  3. Thank you, Sir Guy, for your service and for sharing information regarding the lifestyle.

  4. Wonderful interview. Thank you Sir Guy for your sacrifices for serving your community. You are a hero. The struggles and challenges you've faced--I commend and salute you. To find your girl karida is a blessing, indeed. Thank you for sharing your journey.

  5. What an amazing person he is to have come through so much and yet,found a partner who is perfect for him as he is for her. It sounds like they have explored their differences and attractions and learned how to get to the people they are inside. He's an incredible man who has sacrificed much to get where he is and Karida has been a part of this exploration. It's incredible how far the two of them have come together in distance both physical and personal. An example worth following. Judy King

  6. Sir Guy, thank you so much for your service and for sharing so much of yourself with Cris's readers. Wonderful interview.

  7. Thank you, everyone, for honoring Sir Guy with your words. He is a gem of a person and I was glad to share his experience with you all.

  8. Thank you Sir Guy for your amazing service and for sharing your personal story. Your girl karida sounds lovely and very special. I wish you good health and a full recovery.