FIRST THOUGHTS ON SECOND BDSM WRITERS CONFERENCE

     In a word, Yee-hah!

     Okay, so that’s undignified for a professional writer. But holy moly, what fun we had at the second BDSM for Writers Weekend Workshop hosted by internationally renowned Sexologist Dr. Charley Ferrer. Some highlights:

     * Meeting the erotic romance writers - all women this year - from Massachusetts, Rhode Island, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Virginia and Florida (might have missed a state here or there) who came together to learn and research.

     * Guest speakers who expanded our minds with their commentary and demonstrations: the estimable Laura Antoniou celebrating the 20th anniversary of the release of her landmark “Marketplace” series, with her droll sense of humor and amazing knowledge of the BDSM lifestyle. Cassandra Park, who talked about different spanking and discipline methods as well as fantasy and role playing and using “pervertable” everyday household items. D.L. King, who suggested a list of movies that incorporated real-life BDSM details which raised them above the average male-centric “porn” flicks, as well as BDSM non-fiction and other areas of research. Traveling Fool and his partner, who demonstrated the mysteries and pleasures of the violet wand. (This blog from October 2012 describes how I reacted to my first violet wand experience at last year’s conference. This time was even better.)

     * Watching some “newbies” find their inner Domme or latent sub or kinkster tendencies.

     * The two husbands who came to the City with their author spouses then joined in the fun at Paddles, the longest-running BDSM club in New York City, and left with smiles on their faces and ideas in their heads for upping the intensity of their home life.

Trying out a schoolgirl pose

    * Wearing my new pleated leather mini-skirt on Friday night for the Back-To-School party hosted by Dom Sub Friends, a BDSM education/ support group. Special thanks to Sir Viktor for giving me a taste of his flogging expertise.

     * The amazing demonstration of Dr. Charley’s expertise in fireplay, which we all agreed was mesmerizing. And totally safe because of that expertise. Did you know that a flame pulsates to a heavy music beat because of vibrations in the atmosphere?
      * The hands-on class Dr. Charley gave at Paddles on Saturday wherein the authors had lots of willing subjects on whom to practice their new flogging skills.

     * Seeing for ourselves the sheer range of idiosyncrasies available under the aegis of BDSM, such as the naked man who reveled in being handcuffed into the inside of a full-length birdcage and then being subjected to tickling and scratching; the pair of women who were horizontally suspended by artistic ropework then tied together by their hair; the masochist who enjoyed CBT (having his genitals tied tightly then abused), and more.

     * Channeling my inner Domme in my snug, diagonally-zippered sheath when a supplicant pointed to his bare chest and begged, “Would you please apply my nipple clamps for me, Mistress?” and tossing a casual “No” over my shoulder as I strolled away.

     * Being approached by a man who said “I don’t have a foot fetish, but I’d be honored to massage your feet” and then at my nod, seating himself on the floor in front of my chair, he proceeded to remove my silver sandals and place both my feet directly on his face.

With Ralph Kramden of The Honeymooners

     * Oh, and I couldn't resist, as we were walking to the meeting place from our hotel, stopping at the statue of bus driver Ralph Kramden ("To the moon, Alice!") in front of the Port Authority Building.

     Truly, this workshop was a weekend well spent for all of us who want to write more realistic BDSM stories. And next year will be even better. Look for the link to register for a greatly expanded 2014 BDSM Writers Conference to go live in early September so you can register early. The Twitter hashtag is #BDSM_WC

    And please feel free to leave a comment if you've ever been to a Dungeon or are interested in BDSM. It's fun!

~~ Cris Anson

The Lure of Body Parts

Today's post features guest author Shelley Munro on a topic near and dear to us all. ~~  Cris

Body language is a fascinating subject and a writer can do a lot with their characters in this respect. I’ve read a few books on the subject, and I always enjoy the TV program Lie To Me, which uses body language as a focal point for the show.

The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara Pease has a section on the things men and women first notice about prospective partners.

When men look at a woman they’re generally attracted to certain parts of the anatomy—the butt, breasts or legs. And believe it or not, this attraction is all tied up with reproduction.

So here’s the low down on each choice:

Butts – men find rounded, peach-shaped buttocks the most attractive. Female primates display their buttocks when they’re ready to mate. It shows they are receptive and available. Human females display their butts all the time, and this gives males the impression she’s available. Women also store fat in their buttocks for breastfeeding and as an emergency food storage in lean times. Note to self – remember this when complaining about current butt size!

Breasts—they serve as a sexual signal. Men are attracted to cleavage.

Legs—long legs are a non-verbal signal telling males that a woman is sexually mature and capable of childbearing. Men like women who wear high-heels because it gives the illusion of fertile looking legs.

When we women look at male body parts a sexual response is triggered in us too. Here’s the low down from the feminine perspective:

We like chests—a wide chest tapering to narrow hips allows a man to lug heavy weapons for long distances and to carry home their kills. Always handy, I think!

We like small, tight butts—a tight, muscular butt is necessary to make a strong forward thrust that’s needed for sperm transfer during sex. A man with a flabby butt has problems with this and tends to throw his entire body into the thrust, which isn’t comfortable for his partner.

We also like hips and muscular legs. They’re symbols of masculine power and endurance. Long, muscular legs allow a man to run swiftly, chase and hunt. Ladies like a man who can provide for them.

Interesting stuff, isn’t it? I tend to check out a man’s butt—don’t tell hubby. I had no idea I was thinking about forward thrusting. Really! No idea at all…

If you’re looking at a person of the opposite sex, which part do you check out first?

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In my contemporary release The Bottom Line, part of the focus is on the heroine’s butt. The hero considers Maggie’s quite a bit and that’s part of the story conflict. Here’s the blurb:

Spicing up her sex life sounds exciting…until the fantasy hits the fan.

When Maggie Drummond buys an erotic romance novel by mistake, she gets more than an unexpected eyeful. She gets an introduction to a world that arouses her to a fever pitch. Spanking.

Her boyfriend isn’t interested in pushing his vanilla-flavored sexual boundaries. Then there’s Connor Grey, who haunts her fantasies like a magical genie. As a source of masculine advice for her and her female friends, he’s off limits. The only safe place to explore her fetish is her anonymous blog.

The recent changes in Maggie don’t escape Connor’s notice. Now that her boyfriend has dropped her, he can finally—carefully—make his move. Given his family history, laying a hand on any woman, even in fun, is a line he’s reluctant to cross. But for Maggie? Anything the lady wants.

As Maggie gives in to the temptation to let Connor add some sin to her life, she finds herself juggling lies, half-truths, friendship and sensual delights. Her job is in jeopardy—and she’s falling in love. Exploring her fantasy is one thing, but she’s beginning to question if indulging her own pleasure is worth the cost to everyone around her. Especially Connor…

Product Warnings

Contains explicit sex, spanking, and the good, the bad and the ugly about friendship.

Available in print and e-book formats.

Samhain Publishing

Amazon

All Romance e-books

Shelley Munro is tall and curvaceous with blue eyes and a smile that turns masculine heads everywhere she goes. She’s a university tutor and an explorer/treasure hunter during her vacations. Skilled with weapons and combat, she is currently in talks with a producer about a television series based on her world adventures.

Shelley is also a writer blessed with a VERY vivid imagination and lives with her very own hero in New Zealand. She writes mainly erotic romance in the contemporary, paranormal and historical genres for publishers Carina Press, Ellora’s Cave and Samhain Publishing. You can learn more about Shelley and her books at these links.

WEBSITE | BLOG | AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE | FACEBOOK | GOODREADS  PINTEREST |TWITTER

Don't forget to enter Shelley's contest!
~~ Cris

WHEN YOU’RE NO LONGER A NEWBIE

Okay, so I’ve been dabbling in, er, researching the Lifestyle less than a year and there’s still tons to learn about BDSM. I’ve been to a few private parties, I’ve talked one-on-one with Dom/mes and subs and switches and slaves, I’ve been wide-eyed in public dungeons, I’ve read extensively, especially journals on Fetlife where people talk honestly about their fetishes and lifestyles and highs and lows. I’m still shy about disrobing in front of strangers to get flogged or zapped or spanked. Still shy about asking someone to give me a lesson or participating in a scene.
 

But.

Last weekend I attended a “Munch” (a “vanilla” social event where folks meet ‘n greet in a public venue such as a restaurant’s private room). I sat down with some new-since-last-month friends, and then some other new folks sat down at our table, and soon we women were yakking, mostly about sex and exes, as though we’d known each other for years. Sometimes lightning does strike.

Because I’ll tell you, the first Munch I attended, the host and hostess greeted me, sat and chatted with me for maybe twenty minutes to make me feel at home but then had to circulate among the group. So there I was, alone and too timid to get up and mingle. I sat. And sat. And finally I got up and walked out, mortified that no one wanted to talk to an old lady and what was I thinking, going to a BDSM group when I didn’t know anyone there or anything about the Lifestyle and, well, you can probably imagine my mental self-flagellation.

Fast forward to this past weekend, when four women, ages 40s to 60s, hit it off so smoothly that we decided, ROAD TRIP!

See, we all knew that a Dungeon in Philadelphia was open that evening, and the Dom who had gravitated to our table was going, and he invited us to follow him so we wouldn’t get lost. Now for me, I’m old enough to worry about my night vision, especially driving through center-city Philadelphia at 10 p.m. But one of the women said, no problem, if I have company I don’t mind driving. So three of us, D. behind the wheel, followed our own Pied Piper down a harrowing Interstate 95 and through the twists and turns of the City of Brotherly Love.

And oh boy, good thing D. wasn’t driving a bigger car, because that parking lot was another lesson in “close your eyes and don’t look”, but she managed to squeeze into a spot and we all trooped upstairs to the Dungeon.

As we waited in line to check in, pay our entry fee and sign away our lives in the form of liability waivers, the other two women were agog. “OMG, they’re naked!” “Eek, doesn’t that hurt?” “Holy sh*t, what’s he doing to her?”

And I’m like, ho hum, they’re not really naked, the place has a liquor license so nipples have to be covered, that’s why some of them have a pair of black X’s duct-taped to their chest. And no, that doesn’t hurt as much as it sounds, because the falls are wide, it’s the skinny tails that sting. And see, that guy’s using a violet wand, look at the changing color in the glass and see the smile on her face as he’s stroking her? And one of the best things about BDSM is that women of every size and shape are comfortable in their (almost) birthday suits and are accepted by males and females alike for their sensuality.

And so on.

So we watched and yes, we got turned on by watching others get turned on. Here were several Doms using all manner of impact instruments on their partners who knelt on spanking benches. There was a master artist, working two floggers Florentine style and dancing like Baryshnikov around his subject chained to the St. Andrew’s Cross. He was so good I wanted to trade places with her—but I digress.

My point to all this is, I felt like a finishing-school doyenne, or maybe a museum docent, teaching innocent newbies what little I know about BDSM. And after our Pied-Piper Dom finished the scene with his play partner (yes, she did orgasm, as did all the others we watched), we got to chat with her, and my wide-eyed friends realized she was as normal as they were. Although some of my friends may question my definition of “normal”.

But I guess the icing on the newbies’ cake was when the host of that first Munch, who subsequently became my friend, asked if I wanted to be flogged so they could watch someone they knew. Well, how could I refuse to add to their education?

Saying yes was the easy part. The hard part, still, was taking off most of my clothes in public. But then I closed my eyes and enjoyed the experience until I was floating higher and higher and yes, I can’t be two-faced and not admit that I too had an orgasm from the experience.

My friends’ reaction? “Cris, you’re my new hero! I wanna be like you!”

So no, I’m no longer a newbie. And I like it that way.

But I still want to learn more.

 If you've been to a dungeon, please feel free to share your experience here!

~~ Cris Anson